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Einstein Meadows 101 – Pop Quiz

An open book quiz based on your knowledge of Einstein Meadows: The Unspoken Perils & Thrills of Living in a Retirement Community
**An academic satire without a quiz? Impossible!
No worries: no grades, no pressure; just for giggles.
Scoring criteria at the end of the quiz 


1. Which animal is NOT mentioned in the story?
a) Cat       b) Dog        c) Horse       d) Pig        
e) Llama       f) Rooster
 
2. How many languages does Chief El Guappo speak?
a) One          b) Two          c) Three          d) None
 
3. What did Trombenik deposit in the gallery?
a) Lunch             b) Huge load         
c) Painting          d) Display cases
 
4. What language dictionary is at the end of the book?
a) Spanish          b) French         
c) Yiddish          d) Chinese
 
5. Why does the HOA ban Cowboy Bill
from the hot tub?
a) They won’t let him in with his boots on         
b) They won’t let him wear his guns
c) He undresses women with his eyes                
d) He refuses to drink beer out of a plastic cup
 
6. What is Bella Blozkop’s cover career?
a) Model                    b) Librarian       
c) Go-go dancer       d) Physics teacher
 
7. What activity do the Einstonians practice
once a month under the Ramada?
a) Mahjong                        b) Bridge
c) Nude sunbathing        d) Hot yoga

8. Who is Randy-Candy?
a) Barmaid at Hooters for Cooters    
b) 4-legged pet
c) Real estate agent at the Meadows    
d) Mentor for new residents


9. Which pair is twins?
a) Sister Pashkudnik and Brother Shaygetz       
b) Reverend Verschwender and Rabbi Kaplan
c) Brunnhilde Meeskeit and Bella Blozkop            
d) Leopold Spieber and Zachariah Denker

10. What did Frenchie miss from his younger days?
a) Playing accordion                       
b) Performing mime         
c) Being shot out of a cannon
d) Strolling along the Champs-Elysees

11. How did Ray Rising Sun sign his note on the community blog?
a) Your friend               b) Your neighbor       
c) Your ganja guru       d) Your tolerance conscience

12. Who first sang the Einstein Meadows
theme song?
a) Ned                        b) Dr. Freud         
c) Cara Chasid          d) Ima Khazzer
                       
13. What does Filbert der Dorftrottel wave
in the last chapter?
a) American flag                    b) Branding iron         
c) White handkerchief         d) Sparklers      

14. Who are the Three Amigos?
a) Three wild jackasses on the ranch          b) Owners of a local bar
c) Founders of Einstein Meadows                d) Jose’s grandchildren
 
15. Who said: “You cannot open a book without learning something”?
a) Dr. Seuss          b) The Brothers Grimm         
c) Confucius         d) Albert Einstein

*****************

Finished! Great job. Reward yourself with popcorn and a brew!


If you correctly answered:
  • At least 13 questions, award yourself an honorary doctorate. You can choose your specialty. For those of you who already have a doctorate, a second one can’t hurt (as Ned will attest). Plus, you’ve earned yourself a seat on the Einstein Meadows magic bus. Go to the Head of the Class!!

  • At least 10 questions, you’ve earned yourself a seat on the Einstein Meadows magic bus. Great job!!

  • 6 to 9 questions, (tsk, tsk) it’s time you reread the book. You are in danger of being listed in Brunnhilde’s dreaded Hall of Shame.

  • 5 or below correct answers:  Reread the book immediately. You are in danger of being placed in the community stockade. Remember in the Southwest, it gets mighty hot. And don’t forget about the scorpions, tarantulas, rattlesnakes, mountain lions and other unfriendly critters.


Answer Key:     

1: a       2: c       3: b       4: c         5: a       6: d          7: c      


8: b       9: b       10: c      11: c     12: b       13: b       14: c
It’s easy to raise your score. We suggest you read the novel aloud with a friend (or two or three). Enjoy your favorite beverage or herbal treat to enhance the experience.

***If you haven’t yet posted a 5-star review on Amazon, this is a good time. Just go to
https://www.amazon.com/author/nedandnancyengel  

Or send us a review we can post on our website: www.einsteinmeadows.com Email us at: createmiracles@einsteinmeadows.com

***Join us on Goodreads.com and add Einstein Meadows: The Unspoken Perils & Thrills of Living in a Retirement Community to your list of read books to show your support. Better yet, recommend our book and join our network of friends. No purchase necessary, just an email and password. You can also take the quiz at Goodreads online: https://www.goodreads.com/quizzes/1118537-einstein-meadows-101---pop-quiz?retake=1 

It’s all about creating the buzz.  

***Please encourage your friends to buy the book and keep the Einstein Meadows movement rolling! For the serious cheapskates in the crowd, our Kindle eBook is now available on Amazon. 
Thank you dear reader! Peace and love,
Nancy and Ned


Einstein Meadows ¿Qué Pasó? Pop Quiz 2.0


* A second academic satire without a quiz? Impossible! I still remember the first pop quiz I experienced in fifth grade. The memory still haunts me because that nasty teacher took away my MAD magazine that I was reading after I quickly finished the test. Hey, you know who you are; if you are alive and reading this, I want my magazine back because it’s worth more than the price of this novel! Who says I can’t hold a grudge?

However, we are fair! No worries, no grades, no pressure; just for giggles. Answers and criteria for potential awards are at the end of the quiz. You can peek if you want! Don’t you just love open book tests?

GOOD LUCK!

  1. Who keeps saying, “The South will rise again!”?

  1. Ben Chardonnay
  2. Dr. Coconut
  3. Bella Blozkop
  4. Reverend Vernon Verschwender
  5. Filbert der Dorftrottel 
 
2. Which items from the neighborhood’s questionnaire for potential new residents would violate the federal Fair Housing Act?

a. What political party do you affiliate with?

b. Where do your ancestors come from?

c. How much do you weigh?

d. What is your net worth?

e. All the above

3. Who refers to the Einstonians as the ‘mental masturbators of the universe’?

  1. Members of Congress
  2. Dr. Quackenbush
  3. Ned
  4. Dr. Freud
  5. c. & d

4. Who said "All we see or seem is but a dream within a dream?"
  1. Dr. Freud
  2. Carl Jung
  3. El Sabio
  4. Edgar Allen Poe
  5. Rod Serling

 5. What language dictionary is at the end of the novel?
         a. Mexican      b. Greek        c. Yiddish 

         d. Chinese       e. Martian                   

  6. What was Judge Solomon’s favorite punishment?

​​​​​​​              a. 20 push-ups

            b. Three laps around the neighborhood center

            c. Community service for six months

            d. Involuntary commitment at Briarwood Sanatorium

7. When Sister Misty pulled out her vintage “flick my dick” penis-shaped cigarette lighter, how did the assembled group respond?

a. Loud guffaws

b. Shouts of burn it down

c. Running for the exits

d. Plotzing

8. Why did Ned think sex dolls will replace dogs as man’s best friends?

a. you don’t have to walk them

b. you don’t have to feed them

c. they won’t tear up the furniture

d. they only require silicone spray

e. all of the above

9. Who are the Kinkhounds?

a. Practitioners of the secret sex dungeon

b. The attendees at the Love and Sex with Robots Conference

c. Professor Growmore’s students

d. Registered democrats

10. Who was the team leader of the Kinkhounds at the International Congress of Love and Sex with Robots?

a. Filbert der Dorftrottel        

b. Ben K. Chardonnay

c. Dr. Freud

d. Ned

e. Bella Blozkop

11. Why did Filbert want a sex doll for a wife?

a. He was tired of paying $500 for each hour of escort service

b. He wanted a low-maintenance babe with high-maintenance looks

c. He wanted a true soul mate

d. He preferred girls who don’t talk, just moan and groan

e. All of the above

12.What type of equipment was required for dumpster diving?

a. ladder

b. surgeon’s gloves

c. a grappling iron

d. a Jeep with a winch

e. protective goggles

f. all except (e)

​​​​​​​13. Which of the following titles isn’t an epiphany in this book?

a. Progress not perfection

b. Everyone must own up to the consequences of their decisions

c. People can’t dance at two weddings with one behind

d. Be careful what you wish for​​​​​​​

14. Who requested a male sex doll?

a. Ima Khazzer                        b. Ben K. Chardonnay

c. Filbert der Dorftrottel         d. Lillian Lemishkeh

15. Who was the first volunteer to lead a group to Amsterdam?

a. Leopold Spieber

b. Buford Swindler

c. Dr. Coconut

d. Ms. Lilith

16. Who called Filbert a genuine pervert?

a. Dr. Freud

b. El Sabio

c. Jeannette

d. Brunnhilde Meeskeit

e. Siegfried Zynismus

17. How did Leopold sneak Barry O. into the hotel in Amsterdam?

a. Through the back entrance of the hotel

b. In a large suitcase

c. Dressed him up as a baby who Ava wheeled in a carriage

d. Delivered him in a large crate with air holes

18. What did Barry O. do that got both groups kicked out of the hotel?

a. Got loose and was banging on hotel guests’ doors

b. Chewed up the sofa

c. Stole the chambermaid’s cleaning wagon

d. Took charge of the elevator

19. What did Lillian find in the dumpster that she cleaned up and sold on ebay?

a. cell phone

b. purse

c. vibrator

d. Christmas ornament

20. What was Ima Khazzer’s favorite dish at the Engel’s Seder?

a. roast beef

b. turkey

c. corned beef

d. matzoh ball soup

21. Who arrived as Elijah at the Seder?

a. Dr. Quackenbush

b. Jose Maximilian San Carlos de Cortez

c. El Sabio

d. Judge Solomon

22. Which workshops did the Kinkhounds attend?

a. Why not marry a robot?

b. Coolest robots to have sex with today

c. Reflections on moral challenges posed by a childlike sex robot?

d. Sex robots and ethical issues

e. All of the above

23. Who said that “when all else fails, Judge Solomon prevails”?

a. Dr. Freud                 b. Filbert der Dorftrottel

c. Zachariah Denker    d. El Sabo        e. Sister Misty

24. What is the real moral of the farmer and the donkey fable?

a. Life is going to shovel all kinds of dirt on you

b. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone

c. Free your mind from worries

d. When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you

25. Why does Judge Solomon frequently send people to Briarwood Sanitorium?

a. He believes in mental health

b. His sister is the head psychiatrist

c. He thinks they are all nuts

d. He is a major shareholder

e. c and d

26. Who did sister Misty live with when she escaped from the Sheriff’s car?

​​​​​​​a. a mountain hermit

b. a traveling salesman in an RV

c. monks

d. guerilla ganja growers



Answer Key:               1: d      2: e      3: e      4: d      5: c   6: d      7: d      8: e     9: b     

                                    10: e   11: f    12: c    13: d   14: a    15: c    16: c     17: d    18: c   

                                    19: d    20: b  21: e    22: d    23: d    24: e   25: d    26: d


If you correctly answered:

*    At least 22 questions, award yourself an honorary doctorate. You can choose your specialty. For those of you who already have a doctorate, a second one can’t hurt (as Ned will attest). Plus you’ve earned a seat on the Einstein Meadows magic bus. Go to the head of the Class!!

​​​​​​​*    At least 12 questions, you’ve earned a seat on the Einstein Meadows magic bus. Great job!

*    At least 10 questions, (tsk, tsk) it’s time you reread the book. You are in danger of being listed in Brunnhilde’s dreaded Hall of Shame.

*    5 or less questions, Reread the book immediately! You are at high risk of being placed in the community stockade. Remember, in the Southwest, it gets mighty hot. And, Don’t forget about the scorpions, tarantulas, rattlesnakes, mountain lions and other unfriendly critters.


It’s easy to raise your score. We suggest you read the novel aloud with a friend (or two or three). Enjoy your favorite beverage or herbal treat to enhance the experience.